Life Goes On

Posted: March 27, 2011 in Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

Sometimes I reflect on myself and I go through a lot of tough info in my head. Adolescent ramblings? Just thinking about how I feel so much older now. Does having your heart broken for the first time do that to you?

I think I have moved on and truly let go of the notion that I will ever be with him again. I think. I don’t want to test my limits by seeing him or whatsoever but I’m sure I can heal a 100% soon.

Just a few months ago, I hit rock bottom. You know? I was so depressed I felt there was no meaning in anything. I said a lot of pathetic stuff like “Please don’t give up, we can get through this. I know I’ve been a bad girlfriend. Let me make it up to you and I know you will love me again ok?” I thought, this is it. I can’t forget him. This is the love of my life and he’s gone.

Now I see, it’s not the case. I see that maybe we were never right for each other in the first place, that maybe we weren’t meant to grow old together. We didn’t have a lot in common and sometimes, love isn’t enough. I can handle the pain, but sometimes you just get tired of trying.

I didn’t have the emotional maturity either. I was clingy and filled with insecurities and maybe this is meant to give me a new outlook on love.

Anyways, being single is not all bad. I seriously hated it, but maybe I’m just biased. I don’t text much anymore, I don’t have someone always there for me or someone to share it with, but you get used to it. You get so used to the loneliness that it feels normal.. It feels like you’re taking a break from life. I don’t have any drama in my life, nothing to worry about, no one to please. True, sacrificing for someone you love is a gift, but now, I’m just not sacrificing anymore for anyone. Love is overrated. Physical attraction is what drives us. Haha but seriously what 18-year-old isn’t lusty right.

I wouldn’t say that I don’t still miss him. But I guess, time does its wonders, and makes me see a brighter horizon.

 

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