Lifeless

Posted: April 9, 2011 in Daily Rain, Sad in the Rain

My life has hit an all-time low. I am lifeless. Without school, feels like I have no friends already. It seriously feels like if I disappear today, no one would give a damn. Nobody really cares about me at all. I don’t have any true friends or any such and I feel so lonely.

It didn’t use to be like this. It used to be that you were the one who was lonely, your friends didn’t care about you. I was the first person to ever give you a birthday present, I was the first person who cared about you. But now, seems like you have lots of friends now.

I used to share all my problems with you. Now, I have no one to really tell who would care. How about you? Where do you go to share your problems now? Or is it like you told me, you never had problems before we were together, you only had problems when you were with me? So now, you’re happily single and problem-free?

You promised me that nothing’d ever change between us. In fact, we’ve been waiting forever for this time when we can be free and spend more time with each other. So, what happened? When this time came, and you gave up and told me you didn’t love me anymore, that all these fights made you sick of it all.

I miss you, I miss your smell, your arms around my back, my arms around your neck. Those times we snuck out of tuition to meet in the toilets at the risk of being caught just to smile and hold hands for a while, you don’t know how I miss you. You always knew me best, how to comfort me when I had bad grades, how to handle me when I had period pain.

I remember one time we had a fight, we shouted on the phone and I cried and you were just quiet and then you said we were hopeless already since we can fight over such small things. And you said last time you thought we would get married and live happily ever after but now, everything is uncertain. But you told me, though you wanted to break because you can’t stand the fights and you just want us to be happier and not hurt each other anymore, and you’re not good enough, but you still can’t help thinking of me all the time. So we agreed to try again, and promised each other that as long as we loved each other, we wouldn’t give up.

But I guess the fights became too much till you couldn’t even face me anymore. I remember, during Edith’s party, I made you cry.

I still can’t let go till now, because I still love you. I’m still full of regrets, because I still love you. You were my first love, I was your special girl. Now we’re just each other’s ex. How things change. How did we become strangers?

I know you’ll never regret leaving, but I just want you to know I’ll always have a special place in my heart for you, the boy who taught me what love felt like.

Sometimes I’ll think of something funny you said, like when you found out I changed your birthday on Facebook, and I’ll laugh, then I’ll cry.

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