It’s a Sunny Day.

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Daily Rain, LoveShits Rainy Days, Wisdom in Rain

I had a conversation with a friend recently. He told me most guys wouldn’t care less about their first love based on his observations. Back then, he really needed me and loved me because he had only a few friends and I was the only one who cared. But now, he got friends already. He knows more girls. Why the heck would he care about the first love. He wouldn’t even remember.

I guess that’s true. He is so much happier now, I know. I don’t view his profile anymore, because I’ll spiral back into that deep depression. I know he has a lot of girl friends now, I know he’s forgotten me now. So I don’t want to know anything anymore.

This is how it’s going to be, life will pass and go on, and he’ll never know how much I loved him, or even care, then life ends, and that’s it.

He’s a person I will always cherish, always love, always have a special place in my heart for. And that’s all.  It’s ok if he doesn’t feel the same way.  I won’t go and bother his life anymore. I’m happy for him, I’m trying to let him go. I’ve accepted that feelings change, people change, it’s over. Those long, adorable conversations we used to have, the plans we made, it’s gone. He’ll find someone new, and better.

Sometimes I have dreams that I’m kissing him, and it’s really freaking real, I can feel his nose against mine, and kissing his lips like they’re real, feeling his hand on my face and his arm around my waist. And when I wake up and realise it was a dream, it hits me, all over again. It’s just something I have to live with.

I hate dreaming. I hate sleeping.


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