I am so jealous of those people who are never lonely or sad. Those positive people even without a single sad thought. I don’t mean like Miss Sunshine. Like those kind of people who are like, huh, lonely? I never think about it. They just shake it off and DON’T GIVE A FUCK. They don’t even entertain those sad thoughts and they can just stop thinking when something sad happens.

Isn’t that nice? Sighs. Makes me sick to see people being in love on Twitter or Facebook. When you’re in love, every love quote seems to describe you. Sometimes I wish he would give me back the photoalbum. He said he threw it away, and yeah. But I’d just want it. For memories’ sake. I mean, I remember I loved to go through our pictures in my phone. Made me so happy to see our pictures. Only now I realised I really really loved him a lot, but I didn’t admit it in the relationship, I tried not to give it my all. I’m glad I didn’t 🙂 I had my guard up I guess, but I still believed him deep in my heart, that’d he never hurt me.

Being strangers really suck. Seeing you online still wrenches my gut like nothing can. I think I’ve moved on now, but I’ll never fully heal. I don’t know why. Don’t badger me with wise quotes or what. It’s just who I am, even if I’m unhappy. I mean, it’s nothing like the pain in that first month, when it incapacitated me so much. Compared to that, what I’m feeling is like wonderful. Just a lingering feeling of loss that I think will take forever to heal and forget. I know he hates me a lot. He told others. He hates me so much he doesn’t even want me as a Facebook friend.

I feel so nervous now about tomorrow.

Sighs to the max.


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