Tuesday Today.

Posted: May 10, 2011 in LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain

Why must you be online everytime I am? And why can’t you even accept my friend request? Sighs.

I’m still feeling weird going to school. I thought it would hurt a lot but it didn’t so much so it’s good. Ran laps in the stadium today, and remembered the last time we were there, you were so in love with me that you were holding me so tightly and everyone was teasing us and I was trying to push you away but I couldn’t because you were just firmly holding on. That was on our 6 months anniversary, March 22nd 2010. I saw the squash courts we would hang out at, where you saved Clare from the killer squash ball.

I miss being able to annoy you. Seemed like I was forever annoying you. I tickled you, poked you, blew in your ear, and whined at you, until you got immune. You ever told me if I was guy you’d already punch me for disturbing you so.

But yeah. You told your friend that we broke up because you didn’t love me anymore, and I know you wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t true. Besides you’re not the kind to get lonely. Well, I don’t really know you much anymore.

I’m embarrassed to even talk about this. It’s been so long and it’s embarrasing seriously. Not to be fine.. I’m ashamed. I think only those who read my blog know how empty I still feel and yeah. Other than that I do all I can to appear fine. To appear strong. But I’m struggling. I don’t want to go back to flounder in emoness and be sad anymore. So I stopped. I don’t even retweet those heartbreak quotes or whatever anymore. I WANT to seem strong and fine without you. I can live without you. I just wish I could replace you sooner than this.. It still hurts. And it’s embarrassing to still hurt because of someone like that. All this because of a guy…? Sighs. There are moments I want to crawl in a hole and die.

I still, kinda love you.

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