Today is a Day of Flashbacks

Posted: June 2, 2011 in LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

Today I remembered you a lot, for some reason. I’m too tired to be witty or sarcastic now.

My feelings for him are fading day by day, which is good.. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. That I don’t miss him so much, having him with me, going through every fight and obstacle supporting each other. I wish for a lot of things, but I can’t undo time or force love.

My cheek against yours, nose against nose. The warmth of these memories. That time we giggled as your dad drove us during CNY last year. How you put your arm around me and kissed me quickly when no one was looking. How you helped me tape my eraser together after it fell apart.

The way you had that nervous breakdown and I helped you cope through it. The way you helped me cope with my past bullimia. The way that I changed your birthday on Facebook once and you were so sweat. I miss those memories, I do.

At that time, we really believed we would love each other forever. It was a taken for granted thing, that it would last forever, that you’d never stop loving me, that you’d always be by my side. How we swore to marry each other, how our love never wavered.. Till it did.

It still hurts remembering you telling others how glad you are to be free and saying yucks when someone mentioned me. That was when you hated me after we broke up. Because I kept calling and finding you. I remember you telling me to get out of your life, that you’ve tried but it didn’t work, and let’s just break up officially.

All this while, I’ve never found someone new. Maybe only to flirt, but never having feelings for anyone. Maybe I just didn’t bother. Maybe my heart isn’t ready, or maybe I still hold you in a part of my heart. Or maybe just because no one attracts me right now.

You don’t know how much I really, really miss you and everything you did for me. Everyone was so shocked when we broke up.. Because you loved me so. But you’ve changed so, so much now.

Dar, I love you. I miss you so much and I think about you every day in every single thing. You don’t know how much I miss you and regret everything I did and how hard it is to let you go. I know your life is good now and I hate to disturb you anymore, but I just want to say I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry. I keep going back to that first kiss, first date, first time we met, and I’m so sorry. I never thought it’d end like this, and I miss you. I’m leaving now, and I hope you’ll find happiness, and I hope you’ll think of me fondly one day. I will never regret meeting you, getting to know you, or falling in love with you, sharing my life with you, or having those memories of us. Because though they’re what leads me to cry, it’s also the things that make me want to move on, and find again.

I never thought we’d have a last kiss….

An awesome picture of me after such an emo post =) Xiuxiu meitu! ♥

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