Rainy Days, And Thoughts

Posted: August 30, 2011 in Happy in the Rain

It’s not too soon to forget what pain feels like.

Sometimes I think nothing can be more painful than say, losing your first love, or first family member, and so on. Or am I just sentimental that way?

Being back here sort of reminds me of how broken I was. The clammy hands, the anxiety, the pounding heart and sharp pain in the abdomen, accompanied by a constant sense of loneliness and as if tears could at any second overflow.

That is something I never want to feel again, if I can avoid it (which is pretty impossible). Everyone changes, only when something ends do you realise that the person that you used to love has changed, and how different they are. Everyone will show their cruel side, and it’ll catch you off guard. Be warned. You’ll never expect it, and you wouldn’t be able to believe it.

I remember days of just lying in bed staring at the ceiling, and not even eating one bite for days. I remember everytime I brushed my teeth and looked in the mirror I would cry and automatically whenever I cry, I’d gag and vomit. I have no idea why but whenever I’m very upset, I get really bad gastric.

I am very impressed whenever I let my mind wander back to those times of intense pain and crying every night, etc. Because I was strong enough to withstand it. I know I can do it again. But at the same time, I doubt I’d let anyone in that deep as that one time. Experiences change people in ways that are often permanent.

But when I can look back at the memories and smile because they happened, and not cry because they ended, do I truly know I have closure. Being the romantic sentimental girl I am I’d always care. Once you love someone, you’ll always leave a piece of you with that person. That’s what I believe.

This post was inspired after a certain trip to a nearby bridge. Looking over the bridge, feeling the wind on my face, I felt strangely melancholy. I know that if it had been 4 months ago, I’d have cried and thought bitter thoughts, as I do in every emo/beautiful setting. But now, I’m fine. Yet it got me thinking. And after reaching home, I took out the Box and packed it away without even thinking about it. It symbolises something, though I don’t know what.

Maybe.. Peace? 🙂

  1. A friend says:

    Glad to hear that. Remember, happiness is a choice.
    I want to tell you something…

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