My hair is dropping out.

Posted: October 11, 2011 in Life in Rainy School

Why does it bug me so much when people don’t like me? I don’t understand. Why do I always feel bad when it’s not my fault? I always want to set aside my pride and have a confrontation with someone who dislikes me. Like, “hey, is there something I did that made you angry?”

Because I’m just like that. I mean, if it’s a misunderstanding, I’ll apologise and sort it out and feel better about me. Why would I want someone to hate me cause of a misunderstanding right? If it’s my attitude or so on, I’ll like apologise and reflect, like “sorry if I gave you this impression”. But if someone dislikes me for no reason, I’ll be mad. But, you never know unless you ask right? Ask what’s wrong?

I mean. It bothers me. A lot. I have found the first person here who outwardly dislikes me. It’s very unpleasant especially since this person is very friendly to others but appears to really hate being in my presence. Initially, I really wanted to create  a friendship with this person. I thought maybe I had to try harder to make topics and so on, but it wasn’t so. I could feel it was all deliberate, the way this person treated me. Even others pointed it out and I was wondering why I am hated by someone who doesn’t even know me and I have never said a bad word about this person and by first-hand account this person is very nice to others.

I can’t just DON’T CARE. I’m not the kind of girl who goes, ‘I don’t care if you hate me or love me. I love my life!’ Umm, no. I care about what others think about me. Most of all, I want all to be peaceful. I don’t want any high school tension/unresolved problems in my life. Life’s too short for that. This is why I step down and say sorry. I don’t want any enemies. I just want to make friends. I care if someone dislikes me, especially if it is something that I have done.

And if it’s something I did not do, it makes me wonder more. Like, am I so repulsive/annoying and have such a horrible personality that you dislike me? I doubt myself and I’d feel shit.

I mean. It really bothers me. Because life here has been peaceful so far with no drama and very little fights or so on. I just dislike being ignored or prejudiced when I don’t even know why.

Or if it’s something like someone dislikes my boyfriend, hence they dislike me. I dislike all that. I hate being hated. I hate wondering. I’d rather apologise, and make up.

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