Posted: May 3, 2012 in Wisdom in Rain

Anyone who knows me knows that i have a fear of commitment. I spend all my time pretending I don’t care and regret it afterwards, but I can’t force myself. When I like someone’s company beyond just the “oh he’s so cute haha i like him” and he shows something back I just feel like running away and freaking out cause I can’t handle the pressure. Cute texts, cheesy names, sweet couple pictures. It’s not that I don’t like them, sure when you’re in a relationship this all gives you the fuzzy feelings.

But what’s the point of a relationship when it’ll end up you hurt someone or you end up with a broken heart? All this while I’ve just bear with it and forced myself to reply and so on because it’s NORMAL, it’s EXPECTED, and I don’t want to be the weird girl who’s alone cause she hates texting and so on. Of course, once I get in a relationship, it’s different. Which is precisely why I don’t want to get in one.

I expect everything to be happy, and perfect, when I’m in love and in a relationship. I pick fights and get angry. And I don’t want that. I like being single for the first time, no fights, I like being alone, it makes me feel strong. I don’t want to get in a relationship because I don’t want to have my entire mood depend on ONE PERSON and I’ll be so dependent on ONE PERSON who can let me down any second. It all freaks me out which is why. Every girl likes commitment, but I never did, in the beginning I just forced myself to be sweet back, then after that we start planning out future blabla which just HURTS more when it’s all over.

Don’t commit, it’s the best way to protect your heart.


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