Half the Papers are Done

Posted: May 16, 2012 in Random and Weird in the Rain

I’ve been beating myself up too much over finals. I’ve been slacking, not having the old discipline I had during SPM. When I would study for hours at end, and punish myself if I didn’t finish my goals, if I didn’t have a productive day, I would starve myself, I allowed myself no TV, no internet, and even brought my books into the shower and propped them on the toilet seat LOL.

But now?

Honestly I miss the old times. I was more kiasu, yes, more bitchy, more selfish, but at least I was good. Even now, I think I can sit for SPM and still do well. I remember random facts from Moral, Sejarah, and all these subjects I pored over and I think in a way that’s good that my memory still serves me well and I have plenty of free trivia in my head but it wistfully reminds me of just how good I was in Form 5 compared to now, when I am basically nothing compared to all the other smart people here.

I guess if you think you are good, there is at least a million people better than you. I am sad over how my finals haven’t been shaping up well. I’ve gotten too comfortable. Before this, I used to excel at exams. But now I’ve grown too used to the assignments and whatnot and I feel really awful about myself.

Anyways, a few of my friends came up to me suddenly and told me how much they love me blog and they spent hours reading it and even told me not to be sad and so on and it REALLY touches me and it makes me happy that people actually read my blog and I’m really glad =)

One more thing to blog about in this random post is that people online who get annoyed when others post personal things annoy me. There are two kinds of people, those who think that if you post stuff about say, your period or any shit online is too personal, and if you rant it’s TOO annoying, and apparently the internet can only be used to discuss politics, sports, interesting, deep, and meaningful stuff and not personal stuff. Well then I have nothing to say except that it’s not you who dictates which domain I have to act smart and which I have to act personal and friendly.


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